The other day I was at home, minding my own business when I had what alcoholics would call, “an epiphany”. Most of us go through our daily lives unwilling to admit the totality of the truth, that sooner or later, we die and we don’t take any of our shit with us. We don’t take our cars, we don’t take our loved ones, we don’t take our fucking X-Box and we surely don’t take our in-laws. (Which coincidentally is how I define “hell”.) Let’s put religious metaphysics aside for a second. Pretend for the sake of this argument that we are all completely apathetically agnostic. We neither care about the question of God, nor make any attempts to try and answer the universal question of existence through supernatural means, we simply accept our existence as an axiom.
My entire life, I have lived the life of a very selfish and self-centered person. I often wondered what kind of life I would have lived by this time and I have to say, I obviously pictured it differently. I pictured affluence and some kind of notoriety in my field. As of right now I can just say that I don’t really care about the lack of money or “fame”, but I do care that because of me, and a slew of silly decisions I’ve made on behalf of my family, that they are living a life that is unworthy of them. They’re living a life that is less than what they deserve.
Certain things happening as of late have caused me to contemplate the possibility of an abbreviated life, and as anyone who has ever been in a situation that threatens your very existence would know, knowledge of your own mortality is a sobering thought at best. Dying isn’t a big deal to me, I’ve been ready to die for years. Whatever. What bothers me is that while I’m here, I haven’t given everything to my wife and daughter, like a decent husband and father should.
I’m reminded of times where growing up my family was forced to stay in motels because something was happening with our housing situation. I remember thinking some thought to the effect of “Mom and Dad will take care of it.” And they always did. Despite the strained relationship between my family and I later in my life, my mother and father ALWAYS put a roof over my head and made sure I had the things I needed. I never went hungry and I never spent a day without wondering where my toys were.
So, the success of “Ladies First” has been modest, and I thank everyone for purchasing their copies as well as the emails and comments I have received. I couldn’t be more gratified. Seriously, if I ended up selling 500K of these things, I couldn’t be any happier. I could have a bit more money, but meh, that’s what work is for.
However, the demand for a digital version of Ladies First has been made known to me, as well as a hunger for some new material.
Fair enough, I’m nothing if not an accommodating person. So, I am pleased to announce that the digital version of “Ladies First” will be available on Lulu.com on August 8th, preceding a release on Kindle and Nook.
This version will have additional material, as well as a few more pictures and other related pabulum. Not to mention that in the final print version there are some little things that have been pissing me off, so I’ll correct them in the digital version.
Once again, my very greatest thanks to all those who have supported me in this project, as well as believing in the purposes I have behind writing this book. To those who doubted that I would finish this project; fuck you, I wrote a book.
As a side note, I will also be releasing my first book, “A Step Left of the Devil’s Road” in digital format as well. A release date will follow after the release of the digital version of “Ladies First”.
I have also broke ground on the follow-up to “Ladies First” tentatively titled, “Ladies Firsterer: Further Adventures in Pleasure Engineering”. Stay tuned for further details as the year progresses.
My Wife and I have been in the lifestyle for a few months, but occasionally she has issues with jealousy. Namely, she has specific issues with me going ahead and having sex with someone in another room separate from her. Is there any way we can nip this in the bud, because sans this particular issue, we have a great time in the lifestyle.
“Bob” [Name changed]
Well, Bob… First, stop calling it “the lifestyle” in your dealings with me. That’s a stupid label and an easy way to get your email disregarded. Why label this way of living? It simply is what it is.
I’d like to share a revelation I had from a few days ago. A few days ago I realized that I was completely happy with my life. I was working in a job I enjoyed, around people I love and admire, making decent money. I had a beautiful, understanding and amazing wife with a kid equally as amazing. I live in an age where I can create anything I like at almost the ease to which I can think it up. I possess the equivalent of two college degrees and can easily remember 99% of what I’ve learned. I have a budding writing career that, while not successful in the monetary sense, nonetheless gives me a great sense of satisfaction.
I am living my life. My life is NOT being lived for me.
Overall, life is not hard. I would say that the complications people bring into their lives make it hard. For example, I find that the more dramatic people I bring into my life, the harder it gets to sift through the bullshit to the raw data of life. So, to remedy this, you get rid of those people. Quick, simple, and everyone’s happy. Well, everyone except those who get dropped from your life for being a drain on your sanity and resources. But, they’re not really people, so much as entities that need to be stopped.
I wish I could say that the 4th of July meant something to me other than a reason to get together with friends to drink myself into a stupor. But, this particular 4th I’m working, so no such luck. I suppose it should matter to me that a few hundred years ago, a bunch of people in pantaloons fought one of the first “necessary” wars that paved the way for me being able to be a complete dickhead and not get lynched for it.
But, I can’t say this. I mean, mentally I acknowledge the reason that we celebrate the 4th. I can’t think of anything wrong with it. But, given the direction our country is going lately, I can’t help but think that this day marks the celebration of an ultimately failed democratic experiment.
- Net neutrality is threatened, which gives me one of my only outlets as a human being to express my views.
- Religion (specifically, Christianity) is being inserted in to any laws those retards can manage.
How do you get over the loss of someone who meant the world to you?
Well, the truth is you don’t.
You simply find a way to deal with it.
I wish I could sit here,
look into your beautifully shaped oval eyes
and tell you that it will get better with time.
In breathless, unspoken words she called herself “The Traveler”.
She had appeared to me the past four nights in my dreams. The first night she stood at the foot or my bed staring, as if studying the way I slept. When I awoke to the vision of her, my heart was filled with such terror, that I simply started whimpering until awoken by my wife. Weeping at my own fear, I now recall the events of that night as if it all happened in a realm other than the one that exists when I close my eyes. Though they could hardly be called events in the “action: sense of the word, in that the entirety of the events happened in my own mind, even if she existed as a real world apparition, rather than the disjointed remembrances of a fevered mind.