This really has very little, if anything to do with the subject at hand, but I was working the other day singing the score to one of my favorite movies. “The Last Dragon”. This movie is fucking AWFUL. But, it’s one of those movies that is so awful, it’s great. I went into the bathroom, singing to myself the song about having the glow.
In the stall next to me, I hear, “It’s the POWER of elevation!!!” Clearly someone else knew this movie as well as I.
Footnote, I don’t segue very well. Here I am, working on a talk about Tolkien’s Middle Earth work and the concept of creating new worlds in literature, and I can’t help thinking about a dream I had last night.
My dream was that of my family and I dying in a sordid manner which I won’t recount, because in reality it’s unimportant. What is important, at least for the purposes of this blog post, is the idea of leaving things unsaid and undone. There are a lot of things that I have left unsaid or undone and I don’t really feel well about them. More than that, I feel like I should forgive and move on. I can’t go through life holding grudges. It’s exhausting being vindictive and shitty to people, whether they deserve it or not. I don’t feel like I have the authority to give a shit about a few mistakes.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I still hold those who wronged me and those I love accountable, but that’s not the same thing as holding a grudge. It’s simply that people are incompatible with my life and I recognize that. As I am so fond of saying, “it’s the ongoing revisionism of being a human being.”
I suppose that I should just come to the point. Blank slate. Tabula rasa for everyone for all the shit from the past. I realize that some people have done more than others, fine. Even for you. That doesn’t mean that we’re cool. But it DOES mean that I forgive you, regardless of whether or not you extend me the same. I simply can’t keep holding resentment in my life anymore. I deserve better than the fruits of negative emotional baggage.
Nothing else really to say today.