Is Poly For You? Probably Not. But Possibly, Maybe…

Just as a side note, my column on The Good Men Project is primarily going to be about polyamory, relationships, sex, motivation and things like this. If you want ALL of my writing, unfiltered, this is where you need to be. If you’re not interested in my writing, well then… Uh, don’t… read it? Go away already. 

Oddly enough, ever since I started writing about my experiences with poly and my marriage’s sojourn into that lifestyle, I have bee inundated with emails and comments asking for advice and just conversation about it. I don’t really understand this, as my experience with it in the married environment has been minimal, though my experience with it in a single mode, as well as taken-but-not-married mode is extensive. I must seem like I know what I’m talking about, and I do for the most part. The parts that I don’t are usually just extensions of my personal philosophy.

However, I never realized what a journey it was when you actually make the marital commitment. (Honestly, that can be said about 90% of my married life.) But, given my poly experience outside of marriage, I suppose it gives me an outlook that translates well to the marital theater, given that the requirements are essentially the same.

Continue reading “Is Poly For You? Probably Not. But Possibly, Maybe…”

“Ladies First” Going Digital!

So, the success of “Ladies First” has been modest, and I thank everyone for purchasing their copies as well as the emails and comments I have received. I couldn’t be more gratified. Seriously, if I ended up selling 500K of these things, I couldn’t be any happier. I could have a bit more money, but meh, that’s what work is for.

However, the demand for a digital version of Ladies First has been made known to me, as well as a hunger for some new material.

Fair enough, I’m nothing if not an accommodating person. So, I am pleased to announce that the digital version of “Ladies First” will be available on on August 8th, preceding a release on Kindle and Nook.

This version will have additional material, as well as a few more pictures and other related pabulum. Not to mention that in the final print version there are some little things that have been pissing me off, so I’ll correct them in the digital version.

Once again, my very greatest thanks to all those who have supported me in this project, as well as believing in the purposes I have behind writing this book. To those who doubted that I would finish this project; fuck you, I wrote a book.

As a side note, I will also be releasing my first book, “A Step Left of the Devil’s Road” in digital format as well. A release date will follow after the release of the digital version of “Ladies First”.

I have also broke ground on the follow-up to “Ladies First” tentatively titled, “Ladies Firsterer: Further Adventures in Pleasure Engineering”. Stay tuned for further details as the year progresses.

The Appeal of BDSM and Rough Play

BDSM_collar_backMy sexual encounters are more vanilla than most swinging couples out there, simply because I look at sex as a fine wine-type situation. I like to sample all of the subtle flavors and character of the encounters. However, there is a darker side to sexual theater known as “BDSM”, “Dominance Play”, “Rough Play”, etc; It goes by many different names. I’m not going to explain the elements here, it’s simply too large of a subject. If you want to learn more about it, aside from the “50 Shades of Grey” arena, check out the many and varied books on the subject, most notable Tristan’ Taormino’s “The Ultimate Guide to Kink”, available on 

The reason I’m writing this article is because I get so many questions about it in my conversations and correspondence, that I figured I should touch on it, as well as my reasons for not partaking on a regular basis.

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Ask the Bane #1: To Swing or Not to Swing

1337033421875Since the publication of my book, I’ve been getting few emails (and tweets) asking about everything sex related. Which, you know, is rather flattering. So I figured I might as well answer some of them publicly. Email addresses have been withheld because I’m not a complete dick…

This week, “To Swing or Not to Swing”


What would be the best way to get my wife interested in swinging? How would I go about trying to get her to try it out?

Well, yeah here’s the secret. You don’t.

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Founding My Own Religion

1333717259083Wanna hear something funny? At one point I wanted to found a religion. Seriously. Well, maybe not a religion, per se. But, more of a philosophical movement. Basically, I wanted to take the hippie movement from the 60’s, merge it with the materialism movement of the 90’s and give it a mystical physicality, something akin to the “Wynken de Wilde” subplot in Memnoch the Devil, by Anne Rice. Just the kind of sexuality, mixed with the idea that sex is great, an a necessary part of the human experience and to revel in it, rather than subscribe to the religious hatred that religion has for all sexual activity in general.

The idea of preaching love and forgiveness, the whole “Let It Be” attitude, combined with relentless self-improvement.

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Oral Sex? Never gonna give you up…

So Michael Douglass is in the news about having cancer or something or other. I don’t really care, because I don’t give too much of a shit about Michael Douglass. A mediocre actor with a hot wife doesn’t rank very high on my list of importance. Having said that, it did bring the whole “throat cancer due to HPV infection via oral sex” topic to the forefront of my conversations with my wife. One of my exes had HPV and while both me and my wife had been tested (both of us having an intimate relationship with her) neither of us had it and we just dealt with it based on those findings.

But, then I started thinking about one tweet I saw this morning which basically said “Throat cancer is a small price to pay to eat out Catherine Zeta-Jones’ vagina.” I’m sure this isn’t going to win me any friends or anything, but here goes.

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“Ladies First: The Illustrated Guide to Give Her the Night of Her Life”

11273_461235737280693_679386241_nWell, I have been getting a shit-load of emails and interest in my previous blog entry.


My wife suggested that I expand it into a full length book with illustrations and such, and my wife is well known for her good ideas. (Like penis-in-vagina-sex… Best. Idea. Ever…)

But, “WHY”?

Women are nothing short of goddesses to me. If I can help just one guy make his woman feel like the Venus she deserves, then I’m a happy guy. And what better way to show your appreciation for your woman than learning how to make her come buckets?

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Giving a Woman An Amazing Night, Concept 1 – “Anticipation”

If the sheets are still on the bed like this; you haven't done your job...
If the sheets are still on the bed like this; you haven’t done your job…

I was asked by a friend of mine the easiest way to give a woman an orgasm. Seriously, people ask me this shit. So I figured I’d put it all in an article which will show you how to do this.

However, to this specific dude, I say, there is no “easy” way to get a woman off, just like there is no easy way to build a house or write a piece of music. You will only make this happen by paying attention to your woman and interpreting her cues.

First of all, you can actually do as I did and purchase “The Female Orgasm Blueprint” by Jason Julius. It is actually a very informative video series. (Most of it I knew, but there are a few juicy tidbits that I’ll let THAT video series explain for itself) Continue reading “Giving a Woman An Amazing Night, Concept 1 – “Anticipation””