Let’s Fucking Clear Some Shit Up

Literally 2 minutes ago,I got a PM from a former friend of mine about my lack of support for Mitt Romney. This PM fucking enrages me and is really the only indicative of the right wing politburo bullshit philosophy that has crippled this country.

Some things you should know;

  • She is a female.
  • She is a lazy shit who sits in her mother’s basement all day and smokes pot.
  • She is DEFINITELY part of the 47%.
  • She had to blow a teacher to graduate high school (seriously).
  • She is uneducated (this didn’t really need to be said, as when you read the PM, this is evident).
  • She is unemployed and blames Obama.
  • She is grotesquely overweight and couldn’t care less.
  • I dated this bitch before she became a land beast.
DISCLAIMER: IN THIS POST I AM MAKING FUN OF A STUPID BITCH WHO IS GROTESQUELY OVERWEIGHT DUE TO EXTREME LAZINESS. I CALL HER A BITCH BECAUSE YOU CAN’T GET AWAY WITH BEING A LOUD MOUTH WITHOUT HAVING SOME KIND OF REDEEMING QUALITY. SHE DISAGREES.
I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH BIGGER PEOPLE (I PREFER MY WOMEN THAT WAY). BUT THERE IS A MARKED DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BIGGER PERSON OF 200-275 LBS AND A LOUD MOUTHED LAND BEAST OF OVER 400 LBS (AT LAST REPORT). THIS EUTHANASIA CANDIDATE IS OF THE LATTER GROUP. WHEREAS OBESITY IS A HANDICAP THAT SHOULD BE DEALT WITH, SHE CONSIDERS IT A BADGE OF HONOR.
That being said, sorry for the caps.

LandBeast’s PM;

“so jon youv been posting nothing but bad things about mitt romnye and it bothers me. what you dont realize is that obama is a liar and a cheat and sneak. he fucked thsieconomy up and made it so that i cant even get a job. and your idolizing this man and he is everthing that is wrong with this country. i wish you would get with thep rogram and understand that romney is the one to lead this country out of the drkness and into the light. mebbe its because ur bald and ur brain leekd out hahaha. howbout coming back to erth and getting with the program”

Where does one begin to answer this? I could start about how it reads like a 12 year old MySpace page, and is equally as enlightening. I could start with the fact that this fat fuck hasn’t seen her vulva since Clinton was in office. I COULD ALSO start with the idea that like every other Romney supporter, she is completely fucking delusional. I could also remark about how this chick makes the main chick from Honey Boo Boo look like a heroin-chic model.

But I’d rather start with this.

Learn to use punctuation. We went to the same school for a while and I know they taught this. Are you that fucking retarded? You’re 31-32 years old, you shouldn’t be typing this way. I hope you get diabetes, lose all your appendages and get renamed “Lump”.

Let’s be rational here.

Jews shouldn’t vote for Hitler, women shouldn’t vote for Romney. Hitler hated Jews, Romney hates women. The only reason Romney is married to a woman is so his affair with the latino pool boy he enjoys cornholing is less likely to be discovered. If your brain wasn’t so deprived of protein (being that all you eat are things coming from shiny bags) you might realize this.

YOU.

Blaming Obama for the current state of the economy is like blaming your obesity on that last empty 24 pack of Mountain Dew you used to wash down that last box of Hohos you ate. How can you blame Obama for not being able to find work? It couldn’t POSSIBLY be that you have no personality and are hideously uncomfortable to look at!

Choke on a fucking corn dog,

John (See what I did there? It’s called “spelling a name right”.)

PS: The only thing about you I made fun of is how fat and stupid you currently are, because of the fact that if I made fun of anything else, it would reveal who you are to certain people, and that’s not my style. I suppose I could have mentioned you attending a white power rally in 2002 as a way to explain why you don’t like Obama but I thought I’d be a better man than that.

PPS: I could have mentioned how the boyfriend you had AFTER me told me about how the two of you would roleplay during sex about him being your father, and THAT was the reason he broke up with you. Also… Urine play… NOT FOR EVERYONE, apparently…

PPPS: I could have also mentioned how fucking pathetic it is that after all these years, you still think that those bags of oatmeal on your chest might land you a Mr. Right. Better hope he has access to a forklift, a plunger and a vomit bucket so the two of you can have sex. 

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