Liberal? Not quite…

3FDpJLately, I’ve been getting PM’s via Facebook, Twitter and YouTube about my being a liberal. I’d like to clear the air about this, seeing as I really don’t identify with the terms “Liberal”, “Progressive” or

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anything else like this. I don’t really feel the need to classify my political beliefs other than, “I believe in freedom to do what I want.”

What I believe in is succinctly defined by these three precepts;

  1. No one has the right to speak for me OR anyone else, which includes elected officials, or to deny me the right to speak for myself. I will say what I wish to whomever I wish, and will accept the consequences for what I say.
  2. No one has the right to say what I can and cannot do, including things that are harmful. I will do what I wish, whenever I wish, wherever I wish, provided I do not harm another person, and I accept the consequences for what I do.
  3. No one has the right to force their way of living, or do something that is harmful to me or anyone else. I will live the way I feel appropriate. If any facet of the way I live offends you, you are expected to kiss the fattest part of my ass.

Provided your beliefs follow those three precepts, you’re okay by me. The closest thing I can approximate those precepts to is “liberal democrat”. Which is why this is listed as my political affiliation. Fact is, that historically, endorsing democratic candidates or issues benefits mankind more than endorsing their republican counterparts. Honestly, neither party has the best interests of you and I at heart because they’re out to please their own jaded political ambitions.

Ideally, I don’t give a shit what anyone believes.

Believe in your right to have a gun? That’s fine, but if you’ve proven yourself to be an irresponsible jackass, I’m going to insist on better gun laws to make sure your dumb ass never gets a hold of one. If you can’t balance your checkbook, I’d rather you not have a weapon that could easily kill something. My right to exist without artificial holes in my body trumps your right to macho posturing, shooting black people and empty beer cans. They don’t give driver’s licenses to people who can’t detect distances, they shouldn’t give weapon permits to people who can’t detect common sense.

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THIS. Do this.

If you have the possibility of tarding out and shooting up a school, your parents shouldn’t be allowed to own a gun. It’s not my fault you’re shitty parents to an unbalanced shit stain of a child. Keep that little fucker in check. If your values regarding human life are askew, my vote for you to have a weapon more exotic than a butterknife would be a resounding “fuck no”.

That being said, if you live in a redneckish area and have a bunch of guns, when you go ape-shit and kill your redneck neighbors who have just as many guns, I’m rooting for all of you to take that concept as far as it will go. Provided no innocent people are harmed, you gun-toting, inbreeding freaks can off each other as often as you like. For an added fee, I’ll even throw in some moonshine and a Garth Brooks soundtrack.

Believe in being pro-life? That’s fine. But, if you get gang-raped, I’d better not see your ass at an abortion clinic. Besides, I’m sure God has a plan for your rape-baby. If I had an opportunity to have an abortion, I would in a heartbeat, not because I wasn’t ready to be a parent, I just like the idea that it would piss a lot of people off. If your threshold of whether or not you’d hang with someone is based on whether or not they’d have an abortion, I’d just as soon keep the dead fetus in a jar and throw it at you when you came in my door.

It’s quite simple, if you are pro-life, then don’t have an abortion.

3062_da65Are you someone who takes drugs? Well that’s fine, but if you can afford a few ounces of weed, or a few 8-balls of coke, you’d better not be receiving government assistance because you can’t afford living expenses. Though, even the best ideas are rife with people exploiting the system to their benefit, if you can afford to get high, you can afford to get fed.

Oh, and to the “social programs don’t work” people, fuck off. They do. The research and statistics are there, and you have the entire resources and information of this world at your fingertips, so if you can’t assimilate to reality like the rest of us, please keep your ignorant mouth shut. Which brings me to my next point…

If you’re an ignorant dumbass and fall into the following categories; religious, republican, conservative, racist, misogynist, homophobic, or just plain bigoted, I will absolutely defend your right to be this way. But, don’t tell me that I’m insulting your freedoms by calling you a; “easily led-sheep, morally bankrupt moron, hypocritical douche-cunt, out-dated cunt-waffle, woman-hating dick-nipple, self-hating closet homosexual, or just plain stupid.”If you say something stupid, and it suits my purposes (or I’m bored and want to start shit), I will call you out on it and ridicule you for being such a dumbass.

I have the right to ridicule you, though your shitty beliefs have already beaten me to the punch half the time.

If you have an issue with homosexuals, well then don’t fuck a homosexual or marry one. If you insist on homosexual partners not being able to be together in any sense, whether it be sexual, marital or otherwise, you’re a bigoted dumbass. Homosexual couples have been doing their thing for thousands of years and it has not once affected you. Stop pretending that two lesbians or gays doing their thing has ever made a difference in your life.

If you shove your bullshit in my face, I will consider this a breach of my privacy and right to happiness and I will make you regret it.

If you read all of this and call it “liberal”, whatever. Call it what you will. All I can say is that my reasons for being this way suit the way I live. The only difference between you and I, is that I don’t give a shit about how you live, and don’t care if the way you live conforms to mine. There’s enough room on this world for both of us. There is enough room for us to ignore each other in peace. Pay attention to me at your peril.

So, to summarize, I am not a “liberal” in the precise definition, but perhaps in a catch-all kind of umbrella way. Whatever. Do your thing, and I’ll do mine. Maybe we’ll meet in the middle, or maybe we’ll just yell at each other some more. Either way suits me.

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