Twitter and My Narcissism

130625-171542Twitter is a social media that has taken the place of Facebook as far as my addiction. I love it! it is too much fun to connect with people using 140 characters, because it forces you to be terse, something I’m just not fucking good at. And as a result, it makes you a better writer. But, I’ve found that people keep adding me who I know would steer clear of me in real life. I’d like to address those people/entities by posting my list of Bane Twitter rules.

Rule #0 (The Ultimate Rule, The One Rule to Rule Them All, One Who Supersedes All The Others): Don’t expect me to cater to your narcisism unless there is something in it for me, or I genuinely like you. I really only have the time and inclination to indulge my own narcisism.

Rule #1: If you follow me, it is only good manners that I listen to what YOU have to say as well, so I will ususlly follow you. For exceptions see Rule #2.

Rule #2: If you follow me and have any of the following in your profile, I’ll not follow you back; “student of the bible/god”, or anything related to religion, with the exception of atheists. Not to be rude, but if I want Bible verses quoted to me while being judged I’d visit my brother.

Rule #3: The answewr is always yes to any of these questions.
– May I send you naked pictures?
– May I retweet your shit?

Rule #4: I like retweets above favorites. One is validation, the other is something that I can’t quite figure out a use for.

Rule #5: Chances are, I won’t notice if you unfollow me, so in that respect keep your shit interesting or I’ll unfollow you. I get bored easily with 300 tweets about how much you love weed. Get over it. If one thing defines you, you’re not interesting, you’re a slave to your passions.

Rule #6: If you’re a webcamn whore or whatever else, yes I have saved your pictures, provided they depict you as a fairly attractiove person. I collect pictures of beautiful things (women, statues, artwork etc;). To have your picture saved by me you must be at least a 5 on a scale of 0-10. To automatically have your picture saved by me, you must hold up a sign that says “Hi Bane” or be doing something noteworthy.

Rule #7: I will not buy anything from you, so don’t ask me directly. Tweet about it if you like, and I will buy if I’m interested.

Now that everyone knows where I’m coming from, we can all co-exist in this digital mosh pit known as Twitter.

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